brighten the corners

"..I know him and he does..."

so here we are halloween 2004
if ya'aals ain't got nuthin to do
please stop by my brother's girlfriend's costume fashion show

its at 1278 N Milwaukee #4W
and its a guaranteed schneider good time (*tm)

I came last night to mess of wires and tube hosing
somewhere within the plaster board and re-enforced beams
was fasko sitting pretty in the middle of the kitchen

if you don't already know the amazement
you should

gotta love watching the guy in action with his
own art. most content when he is and is at the driver's wheel
on a car with nothing but hydroplane, hang gliding stride

these days like these
fall and fall
and only
appear
with even more radiance

lets take this up a notch fellas?

also I have been liking the album title titles theme

harvest

"...find a place to call my own and try to fix up, start a brand new day..."

famous refrain
keeps in line
takes being
and time

to think

lonely boy
and holding sway
breaking day
nights and open windows to stare out on a city and
breathe

still and fray
glass and hearth
lonely holds its place

thickets overgrown and bored
hatchet hearts and blues and grey
history to not repear itself always
but to rest

took a pleasant ride with v-hoss and
saw the beginning, ends, and everyday chicago, for a change,

giant prehistoric creatures of steel and form
greeting us from above
sun setting on the river
that only years before kept
the city alive with paper and wood from the north

"hey D lets trade these suckers straight up for a canoe... and get there in style..."

cruising next to michigan ave.
making great time

next thing you know
you're in china town looking for a bank one.

where the hell were we?

and then back to

"girl by the whirlpool looking for a new fool..."

dylan compliments of original D

transformer man

last night I talking with a friend and told her that everything from
this point on would be different for everyone
not really paying much attention to the statement
I have been thinking about what I said
and without the over obvious
(yeah of course everything is gonna be different, since it already happened...)
I really think things are on the upswing

it is the best of all seasons
and after years and years of trying to figure shit out
some lessons are being learned, though hard learned

example

my band sainte chapelle had its record release last night
and we had the world's worst sound engineer
I mean the slowest, longest, nerve racking, experience

I was talking to g and being an opener with the amount of prep
we put in blows
especially when it always seems like
we have to do other people's job

all in all the show went well
but lesson learned that you ALWAYS have to do everything
and don't ever get the notion that you don't

at least you have only yourself to blame

as is everything

I hope my brief optimism, doesn't jinx me

I am through with being timid with optimism

a jinx is a jinx is a bullshit idea right?

bullshit

leaves fall(is:us)

I walked very slowly on my way to work today
the day was grey and cold
and I liked it
I was late for work and there weren't many cars on the highway

I have to admit I have been enjoying riding in my car alone in the morning
not for lack of company
but just to sit

not being worried if I am late for work
not being worried if I am missing something

just to sit

sitting in my car listening to a mix tape I have been working on for eq.

I sat there and got a million cars to stop alongside all of them thinking I was leaving giving up a soft juicy candy-like parking spot

nope

just sitting and taking it in
"sorry broheim... not leaving"

I relived the nightmares of burning stars falling in the night again
sitting awake and feeling the room burn
you know...the same thing over and over again
sitting in my room(jesus was it hot!!)
hot hot hot, I think I could survive an entire winter without turning on the heat
maybe

anyways

the eternal once I think that I am doing fine scenario
bam!, the floor drops out and your sitting there back where you were
sisyphean reality
how come we always fall for it?

everytime I think, hell yeah, I'm SO in the clear this time
to only once again
be sitting up at 2 in the morning
trying to fall asleep
feeling like my gut
have betrayed me

I didn't betray anyone
why feelings of depression
and guilt and constant mental evaluation?

why?

what is this.....

"come on...you mean you don't pocket mulch...,
I'm a fifth level vegan, I don't eat anything with a shadow..."

eternal sunshine of my vaporized mind

fast view of cellophane and heat
they always says that things will find there place
things will come and things will go
things find
like fine bits
in crystalline bliss

how was that teeh-c

(I sat and enjoyed the drive
riding as the city wakes up to its lights,
riding with brian and g, all 3 of us and trying to find,

I turned to the lights as the car slowly stopped and
couldn't help
but stare
and stare
at the lights
as the voices in the car drift out of focus

eveything is fine
everything is fine
as you slowly turn and look over your shoulder like in a dream
and want to return to where you were
and realize as you wake, you just missed her)

ideas of smokeless lifestyles and the eternal stuggle
to balance health and depression
or more so ups and downs

"I haven't had the energy to fight off the common cold of being good..."
it is too easy to sit in a window sill with a girl
and watch the city go by
with cigarette in hand

I went to a wedding on saturday
and it was beautiful and it was happy
and I was happy
and sad
being another reminder
of the onset of age

I keep holding to the dream
of meeting her
and not caring if everything is perfect

like"... oh my darlin... oh my darlin...oh my??"
where have you been?

I have watched eternal sunshine on dvd 3 times in 24 hours

yipee, I know it.

spaceman

"In science it often happens that scientists say, "You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken," and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion." --Carl Sagan

wistful whether(.a>/-h)

feeling = meaning

toward art sake or not
things that do or don't
have no other way to find
they just are

the only blue that is not
the only blue that is not
the only blue that is not
is only

I have been listening to the same song
every morning this week to the same song this week every morning
...it has been really nice to just sit and listen

makes me wish I could take a walk out in this cool brisk weather
maybe even light a smoke and take a walk down john street
wait whats that, I think I can almost espy the daily grind from afar
better duck behind into this corner to get away from the wind

man I wish I was still a smoker sometimes...
(well I was on saturday night at least, ./longer story/.)
...just for the reason to feel that way again

to feel young,
when I didn't care what happened to me

I mean what logic is that?
using something that will eventually shorten your life to
make you feel young again

these things that we think and dream
are all part of the same
we think and we are
and we were

the girl next door

so about 4 months ago
this absolutely drop dead gorgeous
blond girl moved in next door

I feel like all of a sudden I have been trapped or teleported to some classic 80's movie

she has a beautiful body and smile and is always dressed to the nines
its like she's heading off to some high society ball
where she will meet up with the local dignitaries.

She drives a really expensive looking BMW and is always rushing off to some dinner
or date or party or something cool I have never even been to
(seriously she looks like she was hand crafted for a national lampoon's vacation movie)

I keep having these fantasties that she is gonna stop by sometime
and ask me or brian to help her put up a shower curtain or something
and then explain how her super dreamy athletic boy friend is such a sweet heart
(but all the while you know the dude is cheating on her)
anyways things progress on and you say your hello's and you give your nods
but that is all and nothing is said.

during this time your best girl friend
(who's rather ordinary looking) is always there
to hear you bitch and moan
about how this other girl doesn't pay attention to you
she tells you, of how great you are
and any girl would die to be your girlfriend(hint hint>>)

one night she gets in a huge fight with her boyfriend
and need someone to talk to and come rushing over to
you late at night.
she is crying and sobbing and can't believe how she
never saw how amazing the "nice guy is"
as soon as you you are about to make out with her
you find out that she is actually really dull
and can't stop thinking about the ordinary looking girl

all awhile the "ordinary" girl suspecting that you have fallen for the "hot" girl
and decides to move out of the country

just as she is about to get on a plane
never to be seen again
you are there waiting for her
with 2 tix to paradise

hey where is my "ordinary girl"?