in a manner of speaking

"I smoke my cigarette with style..."

so it has been 3 weeks since I have had a smoke and I really don't miss
the day to day rountine of waking up wanting wanting wanting
and still wanting as my throat feels ripped and torn to shit

the things that get me are thinking of slightly brisk
sunny spring days where you can wear a light jacket
and the snow has just melted and made the ground all
wet and damp, and the flowers are just starting to bud
and bloom and as you walk down the street on
a 4 oclock on a saturday as you light a smoke
and sit and think about everything(of course while you are walking)
and take in everything around you

I also think of nights staying up all night with a girl dancing around
your room with candles and music and laughing and kissing
and secretly stealing smokes out of my window as the morning
light begins to fill my room talking of
everything that has ever happened to the 2 of you.

of course you don't need to have these moments
to still enjoy beautiful aspects of life
but once they have been cast
it really is hard to picture these experience the same
without them
or to at least not somehow desire to relive the situation

smoking isn't something you need for coffee
or beer or parties or going out
but in memories and things that you once
had or didn't have

things from the past or things that you
sit and dream of someday becoming